Our Final Story: Charlotte
Brave like a tree.
That was what Charlotte told her mom to be when her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer: be brave like a tree.
Charlotte was only four years old when her mom was diagnosed with Stage 3, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Charlotte’s mom tried to find the best way to explain that she has cancer, but Charlotte had a hard time understanding the magnitude of her mom’s disease. Being only four, Charlotte doesn’t remember so much about her mom snuggling up with her and explaining cancer, but she does remember her mom being sick and going to the doctor. Her dad had told her that her “mom is sick and will be getting better,” so Charlotte carried on with fear in her heart, but not panic.
Her mind initially spun off in a thousand different directions. “What’s happening? Will my mom be ok? Is my mom going to die? What will change? What are we going to do?” Nevertheless, she never let breast cancer run her world.
Charlotte remained as involved as a young child could be, but her mom’s overnight hospital visits were tough on her. With her mom there and Charlotte at home (supervised, of course), Charlotte’s dad came to the rescue. He tucked his daughter in and made sure she knew her mom and dad loved her and her mom would be home soon. And when her mom was able to come home, Charlotte would be sure to curl up with her to keep her company. She might not have understood it, but she knew something was wrong, and she did what kids do best – make you smile and laugh.
As her mom’s visits for treatment became frequent and the cancer journey became drawn out, Charlotte recalls spending a lot of time at mom’s bedside providing extra comfort when needed. For most surgeries, Charlotte was interested and an active caregiver for mom. Only once was she asked to stay in the waiting room because mom was particularly emotional after having an unwanted but necessary hysterectomy. It was the only time she did not get to see her mom when she went to visit.
Mom spent a lot of time in bed between chemotherapy treatments, and her appearance changed. As Charlotte’s mom lost her locks, Charlotte lost sight of her mom. Even though her mom was home, it came with lots of bed-rest and relaxing, and left Charlotte wondering who the woman was in her mom’s bed.
Charlotte went back and forth wondering if she should stay inside with someone who looked like a stranger or play outside and escape reality. On one hand, she thought “it’d be way more fun outside, plus, there’s a stranger in my house,” and on the other, she knew in the back of her mind that her mom was just sporting a new look. Decisions about staying away or being involved were difficult, but it helped to know she had people in her corner checking up on her.
Charlotte’s grandparents were close by and came over often. Among many others, her grandparents helped to cook meals for the family and participated in housework. Charlotte’s dad kept up with his own job, and Charlotte tried her best to be a kid. Lucky for Charlotte, her mom has always been involved with her education, and was close friends with Charlotte’s preschool teacher – the teacher she had at the time of her mom’s diagnosis. Her teacher knew what her mom was going through and would pull Charlotte aside every so often to check in on her and ask about her mom. This let Charlotte feel just as safe at school as she did at home – even if her mom looked different.
She remains 50/50 about the future. As the years have passed, Charlotte has grown into a witty and intelligent pre-teen, and she knows that cancer can come back. Soon, the days of being tucked into bed by her dad will be long gone, and Charlotte will find herself moving into a college dorm. But she’ll never forget how she would tuck her mom into bed on the nights she fell asleep before her child. As Charlotte thinks about the future, she wonders, “How would my mom’s cancer coming back re-affect my life? What are my mom’s chances of beating it again? How will my dad respond?” She doesn’t like to think about negative alternatives – she’s an optimist with a true heart of gold.
She was reminded by her mom and others that everything would be ok despite constantly feeling worried. She even took matters into her own hands by practicing breathing techniques – something adults may receive benefits from. Around the age of six or seven, a couple of years into her mom’s cancer journey, Charlotte would find solace in her bedroom to practice her breath.
In, out, in, out.
She told herself everything would be ok, calmed herself down, and prepared to face the world.
As she grew older, she lent a hand around the house and grew into a small care-taking role. She treated her mom to massages wherever her mom was sore, helped mom with lymphatic massage of her arm to reduce swelling. She acquired more responsibility, checked off chores on her list, and then checked on her mom. When she wasn’t doting lovingly on her mom, her two dogs were at her mom’s feet. Much like Charlotte, the dogs were there to provide some much-needed cuddles and comfort.
It’s now been seven years since Charlotte’s family was inflicted with cancer. The sting is still there, and amid the Coronavirus pandemic, they've taken and continue to take precautionary measures to keep themselves safe. Charlotte is thriving in school and beginning to navigate those tough teenage waters. She is sensible, insightful and always eager to lend a helping hand. She noted that her favorite memory of her family’s journey is their five-year cancer survivor trip to Italy -- what kid wouldn’t enjoy authentic Italian pizza, anyway? The worst, however, is a song that still has the ability to bring her to tears, I’m Gonna Love You Through It, by Martina McBride. Upon hearing that song for the first time, it became ingrained in Charlotte’s mind forever.
Charlotte looks forward to expanding on her green thumb, getting her hands in the soil upon the Earth, and getting her mom in on it with her. They enjoy tons of activities together, and will for years to come. When it comes to advice, Charlotte says not to freak out – calm yourself down, relax, and let the information digest. And, if you can, do the same for the loved one that’s been diagnosed. Ask the cancer patient how something works, what you can do to help, and what you need to know.
“It was really hard to try not to cry,” but Charlotte’s mom is brave like a tree, and Charlotte describes herself as tough as a rusty nail.
