8 Tips for Coping with Loss, Grief, and the Holiday Season
The feeling of grief arises for many people around the holidays. Even though time heals all wounds, the togetherness of Thanksgiving and the joy of Christmas may not be enough to heal one’s own self entirely. The regular stress of the holiday season can tend to magnify the pain of any loss you may be suffering from, but instead of trying to ignore your feelings, we’ve created a list of tips to help you understand them and process your emotions.
1. Remember that grief is a part of healing.
Temporarily ignoring the pain and pretending it is not there will only leave you feeling sad for longer. The healing process is not linear, and there will be ups and downs along the way, but it is important you allow yourself to feel your emotions instead of running from them.
2. Set boundaries.
We say this a lot here at Going Beyond the Pink, but it’s important to remember! You don’t have to go to every holiday event and put on a brave face. If you are thinking that you want to skip a festivity or two, that’s ok – you don’t have to please everyone. It is in your best interest to set healthy boundaries and let others know what you’re thinking.
3. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions.
Experiencing loss is a roller coaster ride. Some days you’re at the very top, and others, the very bottom. You may feel joy, sadness, and guilt within minutes of each other. Whatever it is you’re thinking, process it, and don’t be too hard on yourself!
4. Find a way to honor special memories.
Maybe it’s lighting a candle in someone’s honor, or maybe it’s writing them a gratitude letter with no intent to send it. Create a special way to memorialize what or who you have lost. We also find it helps to talk to others and let them know your thoughts – if you’re missing a certain someone or something, talk about it with a loved one.
5. Ask for help.
Struggling with the holidays is all too common, and you may find yourself needing some extra support. Look for a licensed therapist or professional that can help you sort through and process emotions and feelings. Dealing with grief is different for everybody, and it’s important you deal with it in a manner that is healthy for you.
6. Be kind to yourself.
Set aside some extra “me-time,” and take a hot bath, read a good book, or settle in for a movie night. It’s important to nourish your body and soul, and it’s okay to want to be alone. Honor your feelings by doing what feels right to you.
7. Be patient with the process.
Holidays may be filled with rituals of celebration, but life after loss requires some adjustments. Adjustments take time, and you may not be ready for a large Thanksgiving crowd or a boisterous Christmas party. It may take some time to create a new tradition or relive old ones, so be patient with your feelings and take the time you need.
8. Be clear about what you want to do and how you feel.
If you want to have a quieter holiday period, or if it helps you to be around others, be sure you communicate your thoughts and plans. Nobody can read your mind, so just like it’s important to set boundaries, it’s important to speak your truth about your feelings with celebrations. Is it going to be toned down? A reflective period? Will it be an outgoing, fun atmosphere? You make the call and tell others.
Most importantly, remember that you will get through this and you will come out stronger on the other side. You’re not obligated to enjoy the Holidays or even pretend to delight in the festivities. With this in consideration, you’re not doing a disservice to your loved one by feeling and embracing moments of happiness. It’s okay to feel happy - this doesn’t diminish your love or mean you don’t miss the person that isn’t there this holiday season. You deserve this happiness.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”