Kicking Off the Week with Karen
Karen Newman: a wonderful wife, a devoted mother, a decorated athlete, and a woman who became diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, is a true embodiment of grace and joy.
Our interviewer first heard of Karen’s story some years ago. She was living in Connecticut with her family, in high school, and her father was a local reporter and journalist in the area. He came home one day and shared an inspiring story about a woman in Greenwich, CT that battled bulimia, anorexia, and breast cancer. Karen’s journey has stuck with our interviewer, Allison, ever since, and inspired her to live each day to the fullest. Karen’s compelling and brutally honest story has gone on to become memorialized in her book, Just Three Words, available here. Her husband, Peter, was kind enough to provide share additional details about their story.
It began back in the spring of 1982: he was a freshman tennis player, and she a sophomore cross country runner. After running together one morning, they became inseparable. That is, of course, after a 7-year relationship, they parted ways. And during their time apart, Karen became engaged to someone else.
In a similar fashion to the character of Noah in The Notebook, Peter sent Karen letter after letter, to no avail. She ignored his requests until she had a ring on her finger from her new man, in which she then thought it her responsibility and the respectable thing to do to notify him. In an outing together on a rainy New York City evening, Karen put a stake in Peter’s heart by sharing the news of her engagement, and it wasn’t until he heard she would be running the 1989 New York City Marathon that he decided he’d do something about it. So, he did what most people would do: make a sign to cheer her on with a marriage proposal on the back, hop in the race himself and run 7 miles just to find her, and then propose to her once they met in the madness. To no one’s surprise, she accepted.
Karen and Peter got married and moved throughout New England creating nothing short of something beautiful together, but despite her achievements and valiant triumphs, Karen’s life wasn’t always an idyllic one.
She suffered from bullying when she was young, with some even going so far as to say she had a witch’s nose and thunder thighs. Anorexia plagued most of her early teenage years where she found herself knocking on death’s front door. A battle with bulimia ensued shortly after that then lasted most of her adult life. Her disordered eating was largely a coping mechanism, and a sense of control that she yearned for. The incessant nagging by bulimia crept through her mind even when she was first diagnosed with cancer – some of her first thoughts were about being able to lose weight due to chemotherapy.
In a surprising turn of events, her cancer diagnosis saved her from disordered eating that had ruled far too much of her life. She knew she could not be there for her children if she continued down the dark path of bulimia, and once she conquered that, she conquered athletic event after athletic event and then some. In-between chemotherapy, radiation and remission, she kept swinging, just like Peter knew she would. Cancer could never stop her from reaching for more. She thought she shoo’d away the cancer monster just for it to make its appearance a second tim on Mother’s Day in 2018. This time, it had metastasized to her bones.
Her daily gratitude prayers and positive outlook helped her through more chemotherapy, cancer treatments, and the 2018 World Aquathlon Championships. She must have been doing something right, because on November 10, 2018, Karen won the Age Group Aquathlon Championships: a lifelong goal of hers.
Karen with her husband, Peter, and their three boys
Peter supported her through all of her health woes, athletic pursuits, and every other endeavor she pursued. They kept the same spark, friendship and love that ignited their relationship back in 1982. He liked her as much as he loved her, and there is no question in anyone’s mind that they were truly meant for each other. Peter might also have been meant for four of Karen’s friends, though, who she humorously offered up to him upon feeling dim about her own future. Their back-and-forth banter is something that he cherishes and remembers most fondly of his wife, who even in darker days, never stopped making people smile.
Peter made sure that even in moments of despair where the pain was just a little too much to handle and scars on her chest made her feel like she wasn’t beautiful that she was loved, she was enough, and she is not alone in this battle. He was her support system in every sense of the way, and he was all the more ready to hear about the challenges she faced and the thoughts inside her mind. Most of all, he was more than prepared to love her for it. His love might have looked like being there at her races and cheering her on, or standing in the kitchen with her, hugging her, being her safe space. He was everything and more that she needed him to be, and he would say the same about her.
Their marriage fell just short of 30 years – a milestone they would have celebrated in August 2020. Karen peacefully made her way somewhere beyond the clouds to God’s kingdom in November 2019. In their time on earth together, they created a beautiful family who continues to carry out Karen’s legacy each and every day. Her presence is felt in even the most frustrating of situations, where her family knows that no matter what, Karen always chose grace. Her spirit lives through love, laughter, faith, and above all: serving one another.
Peter mentioned to me that his wife woke up wondering who she could help each day, and then she carefully added up the gratitude she has for everything in life. If there’s a key to life, let that be it: Ask what you’re grateful for, and who you can help today. It’s how Karen lived, and how she lives on.
The Newman’s fearless leader made sure to teach Peter and her sons to push limits, but also to live in joy. The torch has been passed – and they’re definitely keeping the flame alive.