Introducing Sarah: A Young Caregiver
203 is growing roots in 910 and 540, and we’re just getting started.
203: The area code for a small, quiet, quintessential New England location in southwestern Connecticut. It’s small: everyone knows everyone, you see five people you know each time you go out to the grocery store, and it often seems the mothers become more involved in their teenage girl’s drama than the teenage girls themselves. Nonetheless, those that are from the 203 area or still live in it tend to have a fondness and deep appreciation for it -- some people never even leave. It is our interviewer’s and interviewee’s home from another lifetime ago, but now, they’re planting their seeds and blooming in their respective Wilmington, NC, and Blacksburg, VA, locations.
Sarah, a junior at Virginia Tech, decided upon studying finance after she realized her analytical mind and love for all thing’s numbers. She’s got a hunger to graduate and begin her endeavors in the financial field. Growing up a dancer, soccer player and runner, she was also a child of a mother diagnosed with ductal carcinoma in situ - the most common form of breast cancer. Sarah was just 10 years old.
She remembers vacationing with her family in Cape Cod the summer before her fourth-grade year and being told there that her mom has breast cancer. Her mom, out for a walk, left her dad to share the disheartening news. Sarah and her younger brother, then 8, sat on the couch with their dad in front of them as he tried to explain everything the best he could. In true dad fashion, he turned to books to help his children understand and pulled out Kemo Shark, a children’s book explaining chemotherapy.
Throughout the rest of the summer, Sarah and her brother were largely in the dark about what their parents were actually doing. The proximity and accessibility to New York City from their Connecticut home allowed for regular city outings, and at the time, that’s what Sarah presumed her parents were doing, “just having fun in New York!” She thought next to nothing of spending time at her grandparent’s or with friends. It turns out, her parents were on the hunt for finding doctors for her mother’s cancer care and treatments. There was one procedure, however, that she was aware of: her mother’s lumpectomy.
As Sarah was about to begin her fourth-grade year, she would also be beginning a new school. To give students butterflies, the junior middle school in that old town combines children from two different elementary schools, and the fourth graders are meeting new friends for the first time. Her mom’s cancer diagnosis coupled with new school jitters created quite the perfect storm.
The weight of a secret as heavy as your mom having breast cancer was hard to hold. Her family hid the breast cancer monster in the closet so they could deal with matters privately. Thus, it was understandable that when the time came around for her mother to receive surgery, Sarah suddenly burst.
Comprehending the surgical procedures that often follow suit with breast cancer is difficult for any child to understand, as well as the magnitude of breast cancer itself. Sarah was helped to the principal’s office during the particular school day that her mother would be receiving surgery. Tears swelled in her eyes and ran down her face like a river as she dealt with all kinds of crazy thoughts racing in her mind. She was able to calm down by calling her dad, but she still feared for her mom. She only wanted to be sure her mom would be there when she stepped off the school bus.
Things slowly but surely improved in Sarah’s world, and her mother’s. Sarah’s breast cancer comprehension was aided in discussions with her dad, and her mother was lucky to catch her cancer early and begin treatment. Her dad would explain that her mother is receiving chemotherapy and that’s why a neighbor is dropping off a meal, or Sarah and her brother are spending the afternoon with a friend so her dad can bring her mother to treatment. Sarah also began to understand that she would be responsible for helping her brother with homework, folding laundry, and minimal cooking. It propelled her to grow up faster, but at the end of the day, she’s just grateful she still has her mom.
Her mom remained involved as best she could throughout her cancer treatments; after all, it’s a good idea to try to carry on a sense of normalcy. She counted Box Tops for all of the school district classrooms, so when her children began collecting Box Tops for their own, Sarah’s mother had access to the information and which class won the elusive Box Top contest. If the race was close enough, Sarah’s mom, ever so slyly, may have provided some extra box tops to help her children’s classrooms win. She also went to her children’s sport events, helped organize events in the community, and even went on for a one-year stint on the Relay for Life executive board. The whole family was determined not to let cancer run their lives.
Sarah was also able to participate in a focus group as a kid with her brother during the time her mother had breast cancer. Though she doesn’t remember much about what the study did, she does remember making crafts and eating pizza, and she created a particularly special craft: a pillow embedded with a picture of her and her mom and doodles of everything Sarah loved on the pillowcase. A letter from her mom and dad was also stuffed inside the pillow for Sarah to find, and that pillow traveled from sleepover to sleepover as a reminder to Sarah that her mom is always with her. It’s her favorite memory of her mom’s breast cancer journey.
It’s hard to be a kid when your mom has breast cancer. You feel the pressure in helping your siblings, cleaning up around the house, keeping your grades up, and trying to cope with the emotions. You might even forget to be a kid while you are one. Lucky for Sarah, despite her family’s obstacles and growing into a caretaker position herself, she inherited her mom’s grace, radiance and warmth. When you talk to Sarah, she makes you feel like you’re the only person in the room. She is nothing short of a young woman destined for greatness.
She has advice to give for young kids whose parent is diagnosed with any form of cancer:
· Ask questions!
· Try your best not to bottle up emotions.
· Talk to a trusted adult outside your family and friends circle – a guidance counselor, a teacher, or a principal.
· Remember you are not alone 😊
When she’s not hitting the books or exploring her new-found love of boxing, you can find Sarah spreading awareness through the American Cancer Society and Relay for Life. Strong bonds are formed through families of loved ones with cancer, and she wouldn’t trade her close-knit family for the world. She admires her mom for all she has done and continues to do in the fight against cancer, and for the strength she possesses each and every day.
