How to Help Your Friend with Cancer
Written by Taylor Mcknight
Taylor is a Digital PR Specialist representing Thermo Fisher Scientific. Thermo Fisher Scientific is a company that provides oncology solutions for next-generation sequencing.
It’s tough to know what to do when a friend has cancer. Your heart goes out to them, and you want to help in any way you can, but how do you know where and how? The good news is that there are many ways for friends and family members of someone with cancer to lend support. This article will give some great ideas on what you can do without feeling like an outsider or imposing on your friend who may be overwhelmed already.
Things to Consider Doing when Your Friend is Diagnosed with Cancer…
Prepare Yourself Mentally Beforehand
Before you visit your friend, it’s a good idea to prepare yourself mentally. Suppose you’ve recently been diagnosed or have had cancer in the past. In that case, you might find that seeing someone who is going through treatment while you’re going through treatment brings up many different emotions and can be triggering emotionally. Try not to let this overwhelm you. Remember that many cancer patients going through treatment are exhausted and want to feel normal again. They might not be up for a trip or a party soon. You can certainly offer, but don’t push it if your friend says no right away. If you’re in a situation where you have to see each other often (e.g., group therapy or support group), then you can expect that they might be too tired to always participate in what you’re doing.
Give them Gifts and Organize Relevant Events
Offering to drive your friend(s) to and from their treatments, bringing them food when they’re having a rough day, or organizing a meal train for them is always great. Just be sure that the gifts you give are appropriate for someone going through cancer treatment. In other words, avoid giving things like stuffed animals or toys, as they can trigger difficult memories for your friend. Offer to host a meal train or organize an event where several friends can gather together to help make meals, but do not take it on yourself alone. Make sure you have friends who are willing to help you in the process of organizing this event so that it doesn’t fall upon just one person’s shoulders.
Help Around the House and with Children
Offer to help out around the house and take care of children while your friend recovers. Try to think outside the box with helping around the house, as your friend might feel bad if you already offer these kinds of tasks traditionally seen as female or parental responsibilities. If they have a part-time job they still need to attend, offer to hold onto their children for them so that they can go on job interviews or other errands that would normally entail taking their children with them.
Things to Avoid Doing when Your Friend is Diagnosed with Cancer…
Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep
When it comes to support, don’t promise more than you can handle. If you offer to help around the house and your job is hectic at that time, then don’t make promises if you know there’s no way they will be able to come true. This might mean suggesting several people within a support network to help instead of one particular person. This might also mean that you have to turn down an offer, which isn’t always easy but is necessary.
Don’t Say “I Know What You’re Going Through” Unless You Really Do
It’s a good idea to avoid phrases like “at least you have two healthy children” or “at least you still have your job” or anything else that attempts to put things into perspective. These phrases may seem helpful at times, but they can also be offensive if the person with cancer has actually experienced loss. Instead of focusing on what someone doesn’t have, try asking them more questions about how they’re feeling and finding out what their specific needs are. You can provide help in ways that are specific to their needs.
Don’t Say “It’s a Good Thing”
At times, someone might say something like, “You really got this cancer thing licked!” or “Don’t worry about losing your job; that’s a good thing since you have all of that sick time saved up.” Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few decades, you should know that phrases like this are not acceptable to say. They can be extremely discouraging and insulting.
Even if a phrase is meant to be encouraging, it might come across as offensive or upsetting, so it’s best not to say something unless you’re 100% sure they will find it helpful—even if what you have to say is meant to be helpful or kind.
Support for a friend with cancer is important and can be helpful in helping them get through this tough time. By avoiding making promises that you know you can’t keep, asking questions about what they need someone’s help with, and helping out around the house or taking care of children when necessary, your friend will appreciate your support even more. By minimizing the emotional stress of your friend, you are also increasing their chances of getting well faster.
Remember: stay strong, help often, and love always!