The Importance of Empathy to Cancer Caregivers
Written by Morgan VanBibber and Shy Villarreal. They are undergraduate students at UNCW and are Public Health interns at Going Beyond the Pink. *Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.
Knowing exactly what to say when someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer can be difficult and loved ones often feel unprepared in the situation. There are many emotions that surface when the person you are caring for has been diagnosed and although it may be uncomfortable, knowing empathetic behaviors can help ease the distress for you and your loved one diagnosed with breast cancer.
Start with Self-Empathy
As a caregiver, you may take on different roles, like personal care, monitoring their conditions, and being their companion for emotional well-being. You may be juggling many things at once, which can become overwhelming and take you away from your own well-being. Naturally, you may push aside your own needs due to the high demand the caregiver role presents. Before you can empathize with your loved one, you must be empathetic to yourself.
Find ways to decrease your distress, like finding a support group that has gone through similar experiences.
Plan activities that involve ways that can help gear your focus away from the daunting realities of what cancer can bring. Things like lunch with a friend, exercising with a group or watching a funny movie. Try and set a time when you aren’t talking about illness.
Seek counseling If your mental health seems to be declining, seeking a mental health professional could help resolve the conflicts you may be experiencing.
Find respite care, also known as the sitter-companion. Respite care is short-term relief that allows you to take time for yourself.
Understanding your limits and needs is essential for your quality of life. Taking time to be empathetic to yourself in return creates the foundation you need in order to provide empathy and care to your loved one. Check out the GBTP resource hub for extra caregiving resources: https://www.goingbeyondthepink.org/educationhub/project-six-t3cay
Why empathy is important in caregiving
Providing social support and empathy towards your loved one helps them go through their treatment and healing process more smoothly. If you make an effort to support, care, and take time to fully understand the situation, it creates open communication and trust. Trust is all your loved one needs to feel safe and able to share deeper feelings about what they are going through, which can ultimately lead to better healing and coping from the emotional trauma of the diagnosis. Stored trauma can lead to many physical health outcomes like sleep disturbances, cardiovascular, and neurological problems. The negative impacts on your physical health can then affect emotional well-being, like your ideations and your cognitive thought process. The book The body keeps score talks about how to treat traumatic events healthily. The book goes into heavy subjects, so make sure you are in a prepared space to read about these different traumatic experiences.
How to show empathy to a loved one who has cancer
Showing empathy to those with cancer takes many forms, including through your words but also through body language and facial expressions. Try to maintain eye contact, listen attentively and simply provide a comforting presence. The importance of active listening helps you understand your loved ones' situation at hand and allows for open and honest conversation. Carefully choosing what you say can also show your loved ones that you are there to support them in their time of need. Trying to relate to your loved one can either be helpful or hindering depending on how you phrase your words.
Here are phrases you can say to show more empathy to your loved one:
I’m sorry this has happened to you.
If you ever feel like talking, I'm here to listen.
What are you thinking of doing, and how can I help?
I care about you.
I’m thinking about you.
I may not understand what you are going through, but I can do whatever I can to help you get through this.
This really sucks. If you need to unload your fears or worries, I’m here for that too.
Here are phrases that are unhelpful to say to your loved one:
I know just how you feel.
I know just what you should do.
I know someone who had the exact diagnosis.
I’m sure you’ll be fine.
Don’t worry.
How long do you have?
A great way for you to show support is by encouraging conversations other than cancer. A sense of normalcy can go a long way in helping a loved one cope with their diagnosis. Bringing up other topics to your loved one can give them a sense of balance during treatment. Try encouraging them to stay involved in their typical interests and activities that they once loved. This helps create a sense of familiarity in their life though they are currently going through more unfamiliar experiences like treatments and frequent doctor visits. And, remember, “laughter is the best medicine” is more than just an age-old adage. Quite literally, laughter can help improve your immune system, stabilize your mood and help release endorphins that help reduce pain and stress.
When it comes to you and your loved one experiencing a traumatic event, it is essential to utilize different ideas to create empathy for yourself as a caregiver can then, in return, build the foundations of giving full and honest compassion to someone else.
For more information on this topic
Check out these videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjjURGsHt6o and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=as7RXvIB46E
Caregiver Journal: Record Daily activities, Tasks, Medication taken, Meals, Weight, Blood pressure and More